Sleep was hard to come by last night. I suppose staying up until 4 a.m. was a fitting end to a tumultuous week. It was a week of searching for answers, guidance and comfort. I am a patient person. I waited for perspective to come before I shared the event with the world. Pity is something I never deserve or need, so I avoid it by waiting for clarity. The right answers always come in time, and if we are willing to accept them, we eventually understand that all events, regardless of how we view them, are exactly what needed to occur. Our paths are paved by a divine hand and designed by the ultimate architect. Stopping to question why things happen and if they are the right things, only delays us on the way to happiness.

Last week a job I truly loved, went from being full-time to part-time and I experienced a rare bout of sadness. I wondered why this would happen when I so wanted to remain full-time. My stomach churned at the idea of change because really, this was just a change. Technically I have a job where I make more money than the one I was mourning and I still have a part-time position so really, at the core, this is just a change. Nothing more, nothing less. However, at the time it happened, I was frightened. What was I going to do? The answer to that question was simple. What I always do. Make a new plan. The reduction of this particular job has nothing to do with what I really want. It was just meant to support me until I reached the stage I truly want to be on. I want to write. If given the choice between writing and anything else, I will almost always choose writing.

It is my firm belief that we are always where we need to be, when we need to be there. We may not want to occupy the spaces we find ourselves in, but make no mistake; we're always where we are supposed to be. The little snippets of life that end too fast for our liking are valid teachers we must learn from and let go. Lessons are spoiled when we cast lingering looks back into a time that is over. Sometimes things are over because they interfere with our primary purpose. For me, that purpose is writing. It is truly what God wants me to do and the greatest passion of my life. If anything, even something I love, stands in the way of my writing, I should expect it to be done away with at some point.

Over the past month and a half I have finally gotten to the point where I can actually connect with my novel again. I admitted, in journal entries, that although I loved the job I was working, I really, truly wanted to concentrate on writing and working 40 hours in a fairly high stress job, and 10-20 at another job, wasn’t helping my cause. I longed for time to write. Eventually, as is the case with anything we truly value, I made time for writing. I broke the novel up into chapters and started reading through it again. This time, with fresh eyes and from a totally different perspective than I had a year ago when I was struggling to sort through it. At the beginning of 2010 I let a friend read the entire thing (the only person besides myself to get through the novel) and she gave me excellent advice. She said:

Overall, I see the makings of an effective novel; however, my impression of your work is much like that of a sculptor early in his career. Imagine a highly skilled artist chiseling away at a slab of marble. Slowly his work begins to take on human shape. Plenty of sculptors can get that far, but what determines the true artistic level of a skilled sculptor will be those final taps of the hammer, chiseling away enough stone to fine-tune the sculpture. I see a lot of talent in your work, but at this point you need to learn how to chisel away what isn't necessary to fine-tune the results into a work of art. You're on the verge of making your writing truly effective but you need to devote just a bit more attention to it.

I think that your ms has everything in it that it needs to work. I think that your biggest hurdle will be to package it in the optimum way.

I remember reading that and thinking, oh, she is so right! That is exactly what I feel when I read through the sections that need polishing. There is more work to be done, but I’ve got what I need to sculpt an effective novel. I just have to be willing to deal with the frustrating process of refining and rewriting. I have to know what to throw away and what to keep. It will not be easy, but nothing of worth ever is. I don’t care what else happens. I’m going to write. The rest will take care of itself. I’m not afraid of a little hard work and when it comes to taking care of myself, I will not fail. So all is well. Nothing is amiss in my life and I am thankful for everything. Happy Monday!