I slept in this morning. Well, I was up by 8 and nowadays, that’s sleeping in for me. The sporadic sleep schedule is tedious and annoying. I was up until after 1 last night. I actually set my alarm but simply turned it off when it buzzed at 7 this morning. However, my sleeping in has not affected my work. I rolled out of bed and immediately started working on this all too important scene. I spent some time splicing scenes yesterday and once again, the answers were already right there, in what I’d written.

Ian needed a voice. Not an entire section of endless chapters of information, but he needed a small space where his character came out. Previously, the sections I wrote about Ian were spent reflecting on Gabrielle and worrying about his marriage but there was not enough “him” in there. By mixing what I wrote last month with the chapters I wrote years ago and cutting various pieces of the narrative and pasting it with other sections, I’ve finally come to the point where I can say, I’ve got this. When Lives Lived is sanitized down to its simplest form, it is a love story. Gabrielle is torn between two loves and we need to know the personalities and inner workings of these two loves. My dear, super smart friend who read through the first two chapters pointed something out. Chapter two, which is told from Jonah’s point of view, focuses on Gabrielle. Jonah is worried about Gabrielle and that comes through in chapter two. By the time the reader finishes chapter two, they are familiar with Jonah but they are still invested in Gabrielle. This is good because Gabrielle is the main character and protagonist. She is the one that readers need to concentrate on. They will get some information on the other characters but at the end of the day, readers will get more from Gabrielle than everyone else.

I need a vacation. Last night, the previous night and Saturday night, I had dreams involving men I’ve seen too much of lately. Not in a purely social way…but by way of being brought together by a common workplace. Saturday night I had a pleasant dream, good-natured dream. It wasn’t anything profound; I was at a mall, strolling through Christmas shopping crowds when I ran into this guy I work with. It wasn’t a normal run into casual hi and goodbye kind of thing. It was one of those looks where your eyes lock and for the first time both of you pick up on this intense chemistry you never knew was there. I was awoken by his hearty, cackling laugh. This guy, he’s not someone I wouldn’t usually go for and the fact that he’s popping up in my dreams is odd but when I really think about it, he’s the type of guy I’ve avoided all my life but really, underneath I know he’s like me. He’s ambitious, dominant and going places most people don’t dare to consider. The second dream about him made me think I might need to go to confession, immediately….but it was still pleasant. Could you fall in love with someone unconsciously? Of course you can. The way to my heart is through my brain. Perhaps someone has slipped in there and started to influence the synapses. Last night I had a dream about another guy, but it was less than pleasant and I woke up mad. He’s someone who used to be my friend but lately he’s taken my friendship for granted so I’ve decided I really don’t want that type of friend. What does all this mean? That I need a vacation. Soon. Or else.

I am taking a few days off at the end of the month. New Year’s is a special holiday for me. I love spending those last few hours of the old year thinking about how far I’ve come and what I’ve accomplished over the past 365 days. This year the list will be long and the reflection intense. This year, on January 1rst I was essentially homeless, carless, and working part-time most days. I was still on the fence about how all of this was going to go. In fact, I would have never admitted this then but there were days spent standing at the 209 bus stop that I thought, “Just go back to Michigan. You can’t do this. “ I was scared and unsure but I had faith and as time passed my faith increased. So far, the things I needed to get done immediately have been completed. Now I have this one last thing to accomplish. Well, I guess there are actually two last things to get done. Write and love. Change my titles to writer and that last one….unsingle. What would that be like to not be single? I’m not that familiar with the concept but I know that once I’ve accomplished the one goal I’m keenly focused on, I will be able to combat the next one.